Dear Board and Recipients of the BOD E-mail, Rarely do the board meeting minutes portray accurately all that goes on at a board meeting. I hope to more accurately portray the intricacies of a gathering of the rag tag crew which makes up the Open Computing Facility. In attendance were Jeff Emrich, and Ken Ott, who look surprisingly like each other (hint.) Also were Bem and Primrose; Andrew Cheng and his sidekick Bret; Gabriel Gonzales, Akop, Steve M, the Eugenes, Patrick, Jeremy, Jiong and Stephanie, our sane female. We had a new visitor Kaushal. Our comment for the sign up sheet was a question with respect to the nipple hair that Eugene had plucked and showed to most of us in the lab immediately before the meeting. Oh let me not forget the Calman; I'm there. The meeting begins with me volunteering to take notes for the meeting. The diversions start with mention that a member by the name of Michael J. is not there. Jokes about EEK and a man by the name Michael J. being gathered in the same room are yelled and chuckled over. Steve manages to regain control of the meeting. In his usual hesitant manner he recants a tale of how he met with Tom Cordy, Lavonia, and their constituents. The topic was the much dreaded Memorandum of Understanding. Essentially we are desired to give certain assurances to Cordy, and we want them from him. The ridiculous nature of this is brought up in as much as the OCF has a rotating membership and we can't ensure what the next Board will decide or the next staff is willing to do. We decide that the Memorandum will be more thoroughly discussed later in the meeting. Steve also mentioned that we now have a door with a lock. This makes it easier for us to hide from users in the server room. This has been much needed. Enter Primrose from the window. She and Bem are so perfect together. The both proceed to eat lyche Jelly with a veracity that scared even me. That just can't be healthy. When everyone finished heartily welcoming OCF female #2, Akopps began the SM report. He mumbled his usual techno geek jargon above the heads of all but a select few of the staff, "famine . . . . conquest . . . install . . . disk." Beautiful singing drifted in from the window, and the Board was soothed long enough to let our red brother finish his business. Gabe and Bem chat across the room about the code for twim after we all complain about how many man hours are spent on installing StarOffice. Printing! So we've all been quite tired out by dealing with the fact that users couldn't print. It was probably a good bill, but lets face it, we're all sick of explaining StarOffice, despite it being a way to meet women. We by acclamation decide that printing should return.
Jeff has his panties in a bunch and so he asks for a hand vote. 6 to 3. We all get to study when we hang in the lab. Akopps mentions that he abstains because he doesn't care about windows printing. And jokes are made about how much better service women in the OCF get than guys. EEK suggests allocating only a fraction of the paper for each day.
6 to 3 against. Unfortunately so much commotion is going on that Ken motions for the meeting to come to an end. I second. Well, this causes an unbelievable commotion, and I resend, since I was only kidding anyway. Then we all proceed. We all argue more over EEK's bill. So we all finally give up and suggestions are made that something could be coded so that users would see a message when printing a lot. This is left up to EEK since he's a twisted genius. Patrick reenters and we all cheer. He must feel so loved. Bem and Primrose take the distraction as a chance to frolic. When I comment Primrose threatens to get sexual with him right then and there.
One of these times I should call her bluff and get some footage for my web sight.

New Business

Chatter continues over a staff harem and which is a better expenditure, beer, money or dancing girls. It was a heated topic with good suggestions from all sides. No conclusion was reached. SMCC was about as frustrated as Kermit on the "Muppet Show" ( and bore a strange resemblance.) So we finally got to the MOU: What we want is: A space guarantee Access to the Lab 24/365 and Maintenance What Cordey wants is: Money for Electricity Thanks for Gateway

Another debate forms between myself and Primrose over the gateways role in bringing women to the O.C.F.

Suzie then enters. A couple of jokes are made about her heaving bosom and all the men lust for her candy. Um . . . that's real candy. She has a bag of it, which Ivan grabs for. Republicans are so greedy. Drew spill even more Soda and rushes off to clean it up. By the time he returns it's been absorbed by EEK with forms off the wall. Drew returns and is totally confused to find no mess. He's Cog. Sci. and so we all understand.

I'm not sure what happened for a few minutes, weed started to drift in from the window, and Suzie starts to eat a lollypop. When I finally realize where I am we're arguing about the Door. Police have complained about the fire exit. We all decide that it's a moot point since we have it locked anyway. Special note was made of the fact that Ivan set it off.

We then discussed budget some.

Ken makes a suggestion of a library which is postponed for more information.

Finally we all vote Ajani, pboynton, ivan and jjlin back onto the board.

We all rush to get out.